


All That Glitters

by bokuwi



Category: Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-09-26 19:29:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20394946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokuwi/pseuds/bokuwi
Summary: The sheriff's department receives several reports of theft from all throughout the kingdom. What appears to be a simple case snowballs into an absolute catastrophe, and our heroes are pushed to their physical and emotional limits.





	1. Chapter 1

It was nearing the end of summer in Pure Heart valley; all too apparent by the way the leaves of the trees and shrubs began to turn their autumn hue. Mao Mao didn't mind, of course. He'd trade the sweltering summer nights for cool autumn ones without hesitation-- it made for more comfortable meditation sessions.

At this particular moment, though, he sat in the living room next to Badgerclops, who was playing one of those videoed games he's already played a million times before. Usually he'd drown out the noise and focus on his katana maintenance, but Badgerclops was playing one of his less annoying games today-- one with a swordsman in it, and occasionally when he was sure Badgerclops was too engulfed with a particular segment to Mao Mao would sneak a glance. A swordsman in blue, on a legendary quest for... something. He still wasn't sure, but it reminded him a lot of himself, which was always a good thing.

Bringing his eyes back to his katana, he studied it for a moment, turning the blade in his hands, scanning for any scuffs or structural damage. Once satisfied, he sheathed it and propped it against the side of the couch. It was still too early to meditate, and he didn't feel like having Badgerclops attempt to coax him into playing a co-op game, so he figured the next logical step would be to see whatever the hell Adorabat was up to. He hadn't seen hide nor hair of her all day, and that was hardly a good sign.

"Hey Badgerclops," Mao Mao said as he hopped up from his pillow throne on the couch and stretched, "you seen Adorabat at all today? It's been way too quiet around here, and my hero senses tell me that there's either trouble or shenanigans afoot." He scrunched his face. "Potentially both."

"I dunno dude, last time I saw her was this morning. She was still sleeping when I got up." Badgerclops replied, eyes still glued to the TV screen.

"That's... uncharacteristic." Mao Mao muttered. Since when did Adorabat sleep in this late? Usually she was all wound up, practically bouncing off the walls from the time she woke up until it was time for bed again.

"Hey, we all need our lazy days, man. So what if she sleeps in just this once? Ever since she started hanging with us we've been kicking monster butt nonstop. She's prolly tired."

"Well, I wouldn't say nonstop, facing an endless horde of enemies would be nonstop--"

"Don't get into semantics with me, dude! You know what I mean."

"I do?" Mao Mao asks. Badgerclops groans and plops down his controller after hitting a button.

"Okay, here's the thing," he begins, "you and me? Seasoned veterans. We fight monsters and sky pirates all the time. You with me so far?"

Mao Mao nods in agreement. "Yes, true, go on."

"Well, the sweetiepies here are just... well. Sweetie pies!" Badgerclops exclaims. "They're all nice and cute and stuff, and have always had that big ruby thing protecting them." Mao Mao's ears dropped at the mention of the Pure Heart ruby.

"Not anymore they don't." Mao Mao says quietly.

"That's why I said _had_. Past tense. Anyway," Badgerclops continues, "moral of the story is, the sweetiepies aren't used to kicking butt so often 'cause they've never had to before. Adorabat included. So maybe she's just a little worn out."

"You really think that's it?" Mao Mao asks.

"If it becomes a habit, THEN we'll know something's up. For now though? Just let her nap. I know that when y'all wake me up from my naps I get super annoyed."  
Mao Mao hummed dismissively in response. Though it did seem like a reasonable theory, Mao Mao would much rather walk barefoot over burnt coals before he'd admit that aloud. Still, a part of him just wasn't satisfied with that answer.

"I'm going to bed." Mao Mao announced before hopping of the couch and heading towards the hallway.

The trio's living quarters were separate from the makeshift sheriff's office slash lounging area; tucked at the end of a short hallway barred off from the occasional visitor. The walls were somewhat barren, but the longer they stayed the more pictures and knickknacks they obtained someway or another mysteriously found their place around the house.  
Badgerclops and Adorabat loved to draw, and while Badgerclops usually kept his neatly organized in a sketchbook, Adorabat was the opposite. She drew on loose sheets of paper and had the ones she liked best taped to various surfaces, while all the others were either piled on the unoccupied side of her bunk or stashed under the bunk bed. He didn't mind, though. He and the team fighting monsters was the thing the little bat enjoyed drawing the most, and she always made him look extremely cool.

He approached the door to the team's shared bedroom and tried to be as quiet as possible, in case Adorabat was, in fact, still asleep. His concerns were quickly washed away when he watched a small green toy soldier parachute past his head.

“Pchoo! Pew-pew! C’mon men, shake what your mommies gave you!”

Mao Mao peeked around the door frame to see Adorabat perched on the top bunk, tossing her toys over the edge and watching them glide to the floor with make-shift parachutes made of paper and string.

“Nyrooom pewpewpew-- KA-BOOM!!!” Adorabat proceeded to toss all of her remaining troops off the bed, hurling them in every direction to really sell the pretend ‘explosion’ that just occurred. Mao Mao picked up the little solder that parachuted past his head and then fully came into view as the rest of the little green men went clattering to the floor. 

“Captain Mao Mao, sir!” Adorabat greeted, hopping to her feet and giving him a salute. “I was just training the troops for combat, sir!”

“At ease, soldier.” Mao Mao replied, playing along. He put his hands behind his back and surveyed the room. It looked mostly the same as usual, save for the troops scattered all over the floor. “I take it the training went well?”

“Yessir!” The little bat fluttered from her perch and landed in front of him. “They’re ready for action! But, uh,” she looked back at the mess she’d made and then quickly continued, “not right now! They’re sleeping.” Mao Mao nodded.

“As they should after a hard day’s work.” He said, returning the toy he’d picked up to her. “You should, uh, gather up your troops so they don’t get stepped on, though.”

“Oh. Right. Aw phooey...” she uttered, realizing the exact scale of the mess she‘d made. She sighed dramatically before starting to gather her toys. Mao Mao walked past her (careful not to squish any of her troops) and flopped onto his bunk. He jolted upwards and nearly hit his head when he felt something hard on his mattress, but upon inspection it turns out it was just another one of Adorabat’s toys. 

“You got a rogue soldier on my bunk over here.” He said, holding it up.

“Oops! Sorry Mao Mao.” She said apologetically. She gathered her toys into one big pile and then tossed them onto her bed. She took the rogue soldier and placed it under her mattress, in what she deemed was ‘solitary confinement’. 

“Is this what you’ve been up to all day?” He questioned. Adorabat came into view quickly after, hanging upside down from the side of her bunk. 

“Uuuum...” She hummed. “Oh! No. I’ve done a bunch of stuff today. First, I drew some more pictures! But then I got bored. So after that, I listened to music for a little while! But I was worried that if I did that for too long I wouldn’t hear the monster alarm if it went off, so then I stopped.” She shifted, wrapping her wings around herself like a blanket. “I also tried to do that _medy tashun_ thing you do sometimes, but I don’t think I did it right ‘cause I got distracted.” Mao Mao raised an eyebrow.

“Well, I could give you some tips next time you feel like trying. If I’m not too busy, of course. Spring and Fall are actually the optimal times to start for beginners.” He states matter-of-factly.

“Ooh! Really?! Why’s that?”

“Simply put, it has to do with the weather. Those who are inexperienced will have more difficulties focusing on their chakras if it’s too hot like in the summer or too cold like in the winter.” He makes a vague motion with his hand. “When you’re experienced as me, though, you can meditate whenever, where ever.”

“Wait, does that mean you can even go sit outside and meditate in the snow!?” Adoratbat gasps. Mao Mao nods with a smug grin in response.

“Wow...” she marvels. “Wait, what’s a _chalk-ra_?”

“Now that’s--”

“I don’t think she’s old enough to understand what a chakra is, my dude.” Badgerclops interrupts as he enters the room, rolling his shoulders and stretching. 

“Badgerclops, I doubt you even understand what a chakra is.” Mao Mao rolls his eyes.

“You,” Badgerclops says as he make his way to the top bunk, “are correct. I have the benefit of not needing to-- OW!” Mao Mao and Adorabat look up to see Badgerclops fish something out from underneath him. “Are these… Adorabat, why are there little army dudes in my bed?”  
Adorabat gasps and flies up to the top bunk while Mao Mao cackles. 

“Sorry Badgerclops!” She apologizes, “I was training the troops and a few went AWOL. But now they’re goin’ _in the hole_!” She says aggressively, taking the toy soldiers from Badgerclops and tossing them under her mattress. 

“Well good!” Badgerclops pouts. “I think one of them stabbed me in the butt.”

“Don’t be a baby, Badgerclops, it’s just plastic.” Mao Mao comments. “I’m turning the lights out.”

“Okey-dokey! Goodnight Mao Mao, Goodnight Badgerclops! Sorry about your butts!” Adorabat says after fluttering back into her bunk. 

Badgerclops replies with a ‘g’night’ to Adorabat and blows a raspberry at Mao Mao, a gesture which Mao Mao returns, and then the lights flickered off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (made a few minor edits on things that were bothering me oop)


	2. Chapter 2

The following morning, instead of being roused by the shrill beeping of the monster alarm, the team wakes up to a rhythmic **THWACK-THWACK-THWACK**ing on their front door. Too forceful to be a knock, yet too deliberate to fully register it as someone trying to bust the door down.

Mao Mao wakes up with a start, breaking out of his blanket cocoon and smacking his head into the bottom of Adorabat’s bunk. He recoils briefly before rolling out of bed and assuming a fighting stance, grabbing blindly for his katana. The suddenness of the movement and the sound of Mao Mao hitting his head caused Adorabat to let out a startled shriek and lose her grip on Badgerclop’s bunk, falling face first onto her mattress. Continuing the chain reaction, Bagerclops shot up when he heard Adorabat scream, and rolled off _his_ bunk before remembering that he was several feet above the ground, and ungraciously tried to get his bearings before landing generally unharmed on his feet. 

“Hey! You two! Get up!” Mao Mao says curtly, finally grabbing hold of his katana and unsheathing it.

“I’m up, I’m up!” Adorabat squeaks. She shoots out of bed and hovers near Mao Mao’s shoulder. “What’s that noise?!”

“Sounds like someone’s at the door.” Badgerclops replies. “Also hi, I almost died just now.” 

“So the monsters are coming to _us_ now?” Mao Mao narrows his eyes and smirks. “Isn’t that convenient.”

“Ooor!” Badgerclops interjects, “It’s not a monster, but someone who just really, really sucks at knocking.”

“But that’s not even how a knock sounds! Knocks are more like, ‘knock-knock!’ and then you wanna go ‘who’s there?’, but THIS one is all like ‘THONK-THONK-THONK’ and it’s weird and makes you not wanna answer!” Adorabat explains.

“What are you even talking abo-- AUGH now isn’t the time for these shenanigans!” Mao Mao points at Badgerclops. “Badgerclops! Cover me!” He barks, then points to Adorabat. “Adorabat! Have your smoke-bombs at the ready in case we need a diversion! Now let’s move.”

“Ugh, fine, I’ll cover you, but not ‘cause you said to!” Badgerclops retorts as his robot arm shifts into its gun mode. “I’m doing it ‘cause I wanna.”

The trio finally exited the bedroom, with Mao Mao taking the lead. The trip from the living quarters to the front door took longer than it should have because Mao Mao insisted on doing a bunch of duck-and-cover maneuvers and clearing the rooms before he would let his teammates proceed, the ominous knocking continuing all the while. Several extremely unnecessary dodge-rolls later they made it to the door.

“Alright. On the count of three, we open it.” Mao Mao whispered. “One… Two...” Without warning, he kicks the door open prematurely and thrusts his katana within inches of the creature on the other side. “THREE!” 

The trio peered out the door to see one of the sweetiepies, Pinky, holding a two-by-four. He wasn’t alone; he had four other sweetiepies with him, but they were gathered in the front yard on the grass rather than on the porch with him. 

“Ugh, _finally_.” Pinky groaned. “Feels like I’ve been hitting your door with this two-by-four forever.”

“What the heck, dude?!” Badgerclops yelled. “That’s my two-by-four! And you could’ve broken our door down! Have you ever heard of this little thing called _knocking_?”

“We all tried knocking for like a million years, and it didn’t work.” Pinky proceeded to demonstrate by trying to knock on the piece of wood he was holding-- and instead of the knocking sound like you’d expect, there was just a cartoony squeaking sound effect. “So as you can see, I had no choice but to improvise.” He said, holding the wooden plank proudly. “Also, get your sword outta my face!”

“It’s a _katana_.” Mao Mao corrected, retracting and sheathing it. Badgerclops snatched the two-by-four from Pinky and gave him a nasty look before moving to put it back on the workbench where it belonged. 

“Whatever, same difference. Anyway, I got a problem.” 

“More like WE’ve got a problem!” Said one of the other sweetiepies. The ones previously in the yard had run onto the porch when they saw sheriff Mao Mao: a yellow dog (Benny) accompanied by a pink dog (Penny), a little pink beaver girl (Ketchup), and a purple sloth (the sloth smith). They all began to talk at once, waving their arms and panicking in a way only worked-up sweetiepies could.

“Alright, settle down.” Mao Mao said, trying to get them all to calm down enough so they weren’t talking over each other. When that failed, Mao Mao was about ready to snap; but before he could, Adorabat came flying out of the house and landed on the porch decked out in her riot gear, baton in hand (wing?).

“EVERYBODY, QUIET! One at a time!” She screeched, brandishing the baton for emphasis. She pointed the baton at Benny. “You first, what’s your problem?!” The dog, Benny, held up his paws defensively. 

“I-I’ve come to file a report! Penny and I have been robbed!” Benny said shakily. 

“It’s true!” Added Penny. 

“Me too! Someone took my stuff!” Whined Ketchup.

“Mine… too.” Drawled the slothsmith very, very slowly.

“Hey! It’s not your turn--” Adorabat began, waving her baton, but was interrupted when Badgerclops confiscated it upon his return. 

“Woah! We appreciate your enthusiasm, Adorabat, but I don’t think we need the baton anymore.” Badgerclops said, tossing it over his shoulder without looking. Adorabat pouted and took off her riot helmet, muttering something unintelligible before casually tossing it aside. 

“Okay,” Mao Mao sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “So you’re saying you’ve all been robbed?” The group of sweetiepies nodded, and he raised an eyebrow. “You’re positive? You’re sure that you didn’t misplace it, or lend it to someone, or anything like the last dozen times you’ve said you’d been robbed but actually weren’t?”

“Positive! Look!” Penny urged, pointing to her neck. “The tag on my collar, it’s missing! Why would I give it to someone if it has my name on it?”

“Mine too, mine too!” Benny mimicked Penny’s gesture. “My collar’s tag is missing too!”

“Hrm...” Mao Mao hummed. Admittedly, he wasn’t entirely convinced. The sweetiepies misplaced things all the time, and he wouldn’t be surprised if the tags on their collars had simply come loose and fallen off somewhere while they were frolicking or whatever. 

“Okay, so ya’ll are missing your collar tags...” Badgerclops said, making notes on a notepad that he’d pulled from, well, _somewhere_. “What about you? What're you missing?” Badgerclops turned to Ketchup, pointing the eraser end of his pencil at her.

“All of my jewelry... My entire jewelry box is missing!” Ketchup sniffed. This caught Mao Mao’s attention.

“Alright. And you?” He asked the slothsmith after jotting down a few more notes.

“All of the gold I had in my stores.” The slothsmith uttered very slowly. “It was the gold I use to fashion items for the king, per his request.”

Now that sounded like legitimate theft. Jewelry? A store room full of gold? The king’s gold, no less? Though he tried to keep a straight face, he couldn’t help cracking a grin. It wasn’t the perfect adventure, far from it; but who doesn’t love a little mystery every once in a while?

“Okay everyone, consider your reports filed. We’ll catch this thief and return your stolen items.” Mao Mao announced. All of the sweetiepies let out a collective sigh of relief. All except Pinky.

“Wait, so what of yours got stolen, Pinky?” Adorabat asked.

“Who, me? Nah, I didn’t get burgled like these chumps.” Pinky replied casually with a self-satisfied grin.

“If you didn’t get burgled then why’re you even here, dude?!” Badgerclops yelled.

“What, is it crime to be places?!”

“Alright, alright! Enough. Sweetiepies, go on back to town. We’ll contact you if we need more information. Pinky, scram or I’ll arrest you for loitering. Badgerclops, Adorabat, we gotta move. We’re burning daylight here, and we need to get a lead on all those missing valuables fast.” Mao Mao ordered, turning to re-enter the house. At that, the crowd dispersed.

“Woo! Time to gear up for some burglar hunting!” Adorabat cheered, throwing her wings up and scurrying after her mentor. Badgerclops shot Pinky a look to make sure he too was on his way. Pinky frowned and stuck out his tongue but ultimately decided not to stick around, and trotted off to do whatever it was that he did all day. 

“So do we have a game plan?” Badgerclops asked, sliding down the metal pole into the garage where his teammates were already waiting. Adorabat already had her helmet on, and flew over to sit on Baderclops’s shoulder.

“Of course I have a plan.” Mao Mao scoffed. “We go down to the town square and ask if anyone’s seen any _suspicious characters_ around lately.” He slid his head into his helmet and hopped on the aerocycle. “Specifically, within the past few days. We don’t know who we’re dealing with here, but my hero senses are telling me we might have another Rufus situation on our hands.”

“Wow, that’s actually a decent and reasonable plan for once. Nice, dude.” Badgerclops smiled, giving his co-hero a thumbs up. Adorabat half mimicked her friends gesture, but stopped at the mention of Rufus.

“Bold of you to imply that all of my plans aren’t decent and or reasonable.” Mao Mao replied sharply. 

“No offense, but sometimes your--”

“You should reconsider how you’re going to finish that sentence if you don’t feel like walking.”

“Wow! I appear to have completely forgotten how I was going to finish that sentence.” Badgerclops says quickly, jamming his helmet on his head and jumping on the back on the aerocycle. “Crazy how that happens, right? A-Anyway, you here Adorabat? You’ve been awfully quiet.” He laughs nervously, trying to change the subject. 

“I’m here.” She says flatly. After that she says nothing more. Mao Mao and Badgerclops exchange a look, Mao Mao revs the aerocycle and they shoot out of the garage, beginning their journey to the kingdom’s central square.

“What’s wrong, Adorabat? You were all excited to go burglar hunting a few minutes ago.” Mao Mao asked after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah, I was,” she began, “But if turns out it’s Rufus taking everyone’s stuff again then I-- I just-- Ugh! He’s just a big stupid meanie JERK and I don’t wanna look at his dumb jerk face!” She pouted, looking legitimately upset. “He made me an’ everyone look like dummies, lying to us and getting us to just give him our stuff.” She crossed her wings and sniffled.

“Uh, n-no need to be upset, Adorabat,” Mao Mao said awkwardly, trying to drive and semi-console their little deputy. He didn’t know that incident was still a sore spot for her. “I didn’t mean Rufus would literally be there, or be behind it, or uh...” He paused. “Badgerclops, can you help me out here?!” He hissed.

“Wha-- oh. Yeah Adorabat! He didn’t mean it like Rufus would be the culprit,” Badgerclops explained, “Only that someone like Rufus might be the culprit.”

“Yes! Exactly, I--”

“There are MORE people out there like Rufus?!” Adorabat cried. 

“No! Well, okay, yes! But listen, it’s okay! It’s fine! Don’t worry about it!” Mao Mao sputtered, trying to mend this whole situation. “There might be more jerks like Rufus out there, sure, but you’re with us now! We’ll show you how to deal with jerkwads like that, r-right Badgerclops?”

“Right, right! You’re so totally right.” Badgerclops agreed. “And look, in the very, very, VERY small chance that it is Rufus again, we know his tricks and will totally kick his butt so hard he’ll never be able to sit again.”  
“That’s right! We’ll teach him a lesson, all three of us. If he didn’t learn the first time, he definitely will this time.” Mao Mao tightened his grip on the aerocycle’s handlebars. “So, no need to be so glum, alright?” 

“Yeah. Yeah okay.” Adorabat said. “If… If I see any Rufuses I’ll kick their dumb butts into space!” She declared. 

“Yeah! Right into space!” Badgerclops cheered.

“Exactly.” Mao Mao agreed. He was glad he was wearing his helmet, because the brief mental image of Adorabat kicking Rufus’s ass into space amused him so much that he couldn’t help but crack a genuine smile. Adorabat further outlined her plans of kicking butts into orbit with renewed energy as the trio descended just outside the kingdom. Now that that was taken care of, they had a mystery to solve, and some burgling to thwart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! i said we'd be getting to the action this chapter but that was only half correct. i dont have an outline or anything for how i'm going to write this fic out but ah well! live and learn, as they say.
> 
> im not tagging all of the sweetiepies, mostly because they're pretty minor characters. and Rufus is only mentioned, and not in a good way, so. bleh
> 
> anyway, in the next chapter-- the investigation begins! 
> 
> also, before i go, i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who gave kudos and commented! i appreciate ya'll.   
thanks for reading! <3


	3. Chapter 3

They descended beneath the canopy of trees in their usual fashion: blindly, with no regard for the thin branches that regrew time and time again to mend the canopy. The bike skidded to a stop in its usual fashion in the same place as always, as was evident by the tire-shaped divots in the ground. They had come down this way so many times that the grass didn’t bother growing in their path anymore.

“Dude, I think we should park somewhere else for a change.” Badgerclops said, examining the tire tracks. Adorabat launched herself off his shoulder to the ground, and decided to examine the tire tracks as well. She held her face within millimeters of the ground staring intensely at the ground before muttering something along the lines of ‘yep, that’s dirt’.

“No.” Mao Mao said. “When you drive, you can decide where to park.” Badgerclops raised an eyebrow.

“But you never let me drive.”

“Exactly.” Mao Mao gave his friend a side-eyed look before continuing. “Anyway, huddle up gang, we need to go over the plan.” 

Adorabat pushed herself up and giddily jogged over to where Mao Mao was standing. Badgerclops did not share her enthusiasm, and pouted dramatically before dragging his feet and joining his friends. 

“You’re being a real jerkwad today.” He said, not looking at his friend. 

“I’m not being a--!” Mao Mao sighed. “Look, alright, my bad. I’m not trying to be a jerk--”

“--A BIG jerkwad!” Badgerclops interrupted. Mao Mao held back an eye-roll.

“I said, I’m not trying to be a big jerkwad, I’m just,” he continued, “I’m in sheriff mode right now and sheriff mode is not nice mode, alright.”

Badgerclops paused before turning to face the two and uncrossing his arms. 

“Well dial it back a little. If you’re in sheriff mode then you’ll definitely scare the burglar away before we can nab ‘em.”

“Yeah, we gotta be...” Adorabat began before she trailed off, deep in thought. “Waaait, how do you know that, Badgerclops?” 

“Oh. I guess I was a bad guy once when I was an edgy teenager. I thought we covered this already.” Badgerclops replied casually.

“Hmm… Maybe we did! But I forgot.” She shrugged. 

“So you’re suggesting we go… undercover?” Mao Mao asked as he pulled a fake, silvery white beard from, well, somewhere and attached it to his face. “I’m way ahead if you.”

“OH! OH, OH! Can I have a hat as a disguise, Mao Mao?! I want a hat!” Adorabat yelled excitedly, flapping her wings so violently that she lifted herself off the ground.

“Who am I, Santa Claus?” He sighed before fishing through his emergency stash of disguises. 

“Heheh, you look like him when you’re wearing that beard.” Badgerclops giggled, poking his friend’s faux beard in amusement. Mao Mao smacked his hand away.

“Stop it. What about you, do I need to procure a disguise for you too?” 

“As a matter of fact, no, you don’t! Check this out.” He smiled as he opened a compartment on his mechanical arm, rummaging through it and then pulling out a curly black mustache. He promptly put it on his upper lip. “How do I look? Dashing?” He asked with a posh accent.

“You have a mustache compartment?! Where do you guys get this stuff?” Adorabat asked, in awe of her friends new look. “Man, I wish I had pockets...” She puffed out her cheeks in a sort of pout before she felt something weird being put on her head. She adjusted the hat so the brim didn’t cover her eyes and realized it was some sort of straw sun hat.

“There’s your hat. And here, these too.” Mao Mao said as he handed her a pair of sunglasses. “Alright, are we all situated now?”

“Yep! I kinda want a mustache now, though...” Adorabat said after putting on the red-rimmed sunglasses she’d been given.

“Say no more, chum! Behold,” Badgerclops dug through his arm again and pulled out another mustache, “My back-up mustache!” He said as he held out the prop to her with a flourish. Adorabat whooped loudly and plucked the mustache from his hands, promptly slapping it on her face.  
“Disguise complete!” She cheered. “Now let’s go get some bad guys!”

“Ah-tut-tut! First, we have to find the bad guy.” Mao Mao corrected, turning towards the town. “We’ve spent way too much time lollygagging. It might be more efficient if we split up. We can cover more ground that way.” He looked over his shoulder at Adorabat. “You can go with me or Badgerclops, doesn’t matter which. I don’t want you going by yourself, Adorabat.”

“What?! Why not?” She whined. 

“Honestly? I don’t trust you not to get side-tracked and give up and then use up all of your allowance on ice-cream.”

“Ooh, ice-cream sounds really good right now.” Badgerclops salivated at the thought of a heaping scoop of rocky road ice-cream. 

“But why does Badgerclops get to go by himself? He’s gonna get ice-cream without me!”

“’Cause I’m an adult, little dude. I can multi-task: get ice-cream and interrogate folks at the same time.”

“But I can do that! I can multi-task!”

“Badgerclops, Really? This is exactly what I was trying to avoid!” Mao Mao growled and dragged his hands down his face. _Oh mother Pureheart why couldn’t they just go already._ “Okay, scrap that. We’ll rendezvous here like usual at noon. You’re with me Adorabat, come on.” He scooped up Adorabat and slung her over his shoulder before she had a chance to protest, and began the walk to the kingdom’s shopping district.

“Have fun ya’ll, I’ll cover the area around the ice-cream stand!” Badgerclops yelled after them before running off in his own direction.

“I SO wouldn’t have got side-tracked!” Adorabat pouted, wiggling out of Mao Mao’s grip. She fluttered to the ground and stood in front of her mentor, her cheeks puffed in defiance. 

“So you’re saying you and Badgerclops wouldn’t have stopped by the ice-cream stand like you do literally every time you’re in town?”

“Well, no, but...” She sighed loudly and let her wings fall to her sides. “I woulda made sure we got some information first...” She wrapped her wings around herself and moved out of Mao Mao’s way, and they proceeded to walk through one of the white-bricked archs that lead further into the kingdom. The shopping district wasn’t too far from where they had parked, but the lull in the conversation and the awkward silence was exceedingly uncomfortable. At least, that’s what Mao Mao thought. 

“...Why are you walking? Don’t you usually, like, I don’t know, fly?” He asked awkwardly, trying to jump-start some form of conversation.

“It’s part of my disguise. If everyone sees the heart on my tummy, they’ll know it’s me! So I gotta hide it with my wings.” She replied simply. “Plus, it makes me look like I’m wearing a cloak, like you!”

“That’s… really clever, Adorabat. I hadn’t even thought about that.” He said, having… some sort of weird feeling well up in his chest. Almost… pride? Is this what pride feels like? He didn’t know. Feelings are weird.

“Clever enough for you to let me get some ice-cream?” She asked using the best puppy-dog eyes she could muster. Mao Mao smirked.

“Allow me to share another aspect of being a hero with you, Adorabat.” He began, “Sometimes, you need to exercise discipline and restraint. You’ve done well as my student so far, and you’ve come a long way, but,” his tone became over-dramatically serious, “the dark temptations of sugar can seduce even the most experienced of heroes.”

“You mean like how you ate all of farmer bun’s cobbler that one time?” Adorabat asked. “So it _sahdoosd_ you?”

“First off, it’s ‘seduced’. _Seh-doo-sd_.” He enunciated, “And second, the answer would be yes and no. Let’s just say, I uh, lost my composure and leave it at that. Won’t happen again. Also don’t throw that word around until you’re older.”

“Why? What does it mean? Is it a bad word like ‘ass’?”

“Language!” He snipped. “Who taught you that word?”

“You did. Sometimes you say it when we’re fighting monsters. You’re all, ‘I’m gonna kick this monster’s ass!’” She lowered her voice in an attempt to do an impression of Mao Mao and waved one of her wings around as if she was slicing through a monster. Mao Mao felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment; he hadn’t realized he’d been saying that stuff loud enough for her to hear. At least it was one of the more benign swear words.

“Oh, well uh, okay. I guess that’s my bad. But try not to say that word, it’s not nice.”

“But wait, isn’t ‘ass’ just another word for ‘butt’? Why is one word bad but the other not?”

“We’re not having this conversation right now, we’re on a mission! And were almost to the shopping district, don’t forget we’re in disguise. I’ll do the talking, you be on the lookout for anyone acting suspicious.” He said, relieved when they were but a few minutes away from their destination and didn’t have to explain the etymology of the word ‘ass’.

He tried to look as inconspicuous as possible while at the same time scanning the vicinity for anything-- or anyone-- strange. His reconnaissance was interrupted when Kevin ran up to him, squealing in awe. Mao Mao was caught off guard, and in an attempt not to blow his cover he lowered his voice an octave and tried to act friendly.

“Ho ho! Well, uh, hello there little… boy child.” He greeted stiffly. “Is there something I can do for you?” The little boy’s eyes grew wide and he gasped.

“I KNEW IT! I knew it was yew Santaw Cwaus!” Kevin shrieked, as soon everyone in the shopping district had their eyes on him.

“H-ho, I, I think you are mi--” Mao Mao tried to say, but was cut off when Kevin nearly headbutted him with glee, followed by Chubbum, Piggins, Chester, Lucky, Cluckins and Jaybird. 

“Santa’s here!” One of the sweetiepies exclaimed with glee.

“But it’s not winter time yet! Did you get lost, Santa?”

“Yeah, didja get lost on your way back home Mr. Santa?”

The sweetiepies kept hitting him with a barrage of questions, and he was desperately trying to find a way out of his predicament before a strange kermit-the-frog-esqe voice bellowed out from the crowd.

“EXCUSE ME!”

All of the sweetiepies fell quiet and turned to see a small blue figure in a straw hat, wearing red-rimmed sunglasses and sporting a dashing curly mustache that absolutely was not Adorabat.

“U-um,” she stuttered, the sudden attention catching her off guard, “My name is, uh, Guy! And I’m sorry to disappoint you, but that is my great-great uncle… Greg.” She made her way through the crowd and grabbed Mao Mao’s hand before continuing. “He’s, he’s very old and crusty, so don’t touch him too much or you’ll break all his old bones!” Seeing how the crowd backed away, Mao Mao decided to play along with this bizarre scenario.

“H-ho… who is that squeezing my hand? I can’t see for diddly-squat, seems I’ve misplaced my glasses again...” He replied in the same somewhat jolly tone, but took care to sound more old and feeble. He he squinted hard at Adorabat, trying to sell the whole misplaced glasses thing so they had an excuse to retreat.

“Silly great-great uncle Greg! It’s me, uh, Guy! Your… grandson?” She said with uncertainty.

“_Nephew_.” Mao Mao whispered.

“_Nef-you_! Yes, great-great uncle Greg, it’s your _nef-you_ Guy, and you lost your glasses and wandered off again! Silly great-great uncle Greg.” She said, visibly straining now in order to maintain her fake voice. “Sorry to disappoint ya’ll, no Santa here, just my great-great uncle Greg! We gotta run along now to find his glasses. Sorry again for the trouble. This way, gramps!” 

Her voice broke and the two scurried off out of sight and then through the kingdom’s alleyways, only to stop when they were both out of breath and wheezing.

“Why… do people think… I look like Santa?!” Mao Mao gasped between breaths, ripping off his fake beard and throwing it to the ground. “He’s… he’s got the hat and… he’s all big and jolly and I am NOT! JOLLY!” He vented his frustrations by slapping the top of a trash can, sending a metallic thud echoing down the alleyway.

“...I don’t think I like being undercover.” Adorabat coughed. “Now my throat and my leg hurts.”

“Your leg?” he questioned. “I get why your throat would hurt, but why your leg?” Adorabat’s face contorted in discomfort.

“...’Cause I don’t walk very much. I’m so used to flying that my legs are like noodles.” She wiggled her wings in a noodle-like fashion as a demonstration, and for the first time Mao Mao was unsure whether or not she was lying. He wanted to prod further, but his thought process was interrupted when a metallic arm descended from nowhere and plucked his fake beard off the ground.

“Whaaat, are we giving up on the disguises already?” Said a familiar voice. The mechanical arm snaked its way back to its master Badgerclops, who was standing at the end of the alley licking an ice-cream cone. He inspected the fake beard before commenting: “I’m guessing by the sad, nasty state your beard is in that your recon didn’t go well?”

“As a matter of fact, no, it did not.” Mao Mao grumbled. Adorabat fluttered to sit on his shoulder as he walked down the alley to join his friend.

“Everyone thought he was Santa.” Adorabat said.

“I told you, dude! I told you you looked like Santa!” Badgerclops giggled. “Man, I wish I was there to see that.” Mao Mao glared at him, but he simply kept laughing at the mental image of Santa Mao getting swarmed by kids.

“What about you, you find anything?” Mao Mao prodded. As he did so, Adorabat took off her hat, mustache and sunglasses and shoved them back into the neck of Mao Mao’s cape. 

“Yeah, some small bits, but it’s better than nothing. First off, did you notice that the gold trimmings that were on the castle and a bunch of other buildings are missing?”

“Wait, WHAT?” Mao Mao gaped, scanning the buildings around him to find that there were no gold trimmings in sight.

“Weird, right? Apparently they disappeared a few nights ago, but no one really noticed.” He paused. “Well, actually, some people did notice. I ran into Honey and Camille at the ice-cream stand, and they’re the ones who told me. I never woulda noticed myself if they hadn’t said anything.”

“This is getting absurd. I get why they’d want jewelry, but trimmings? What kind of nutcase are we dealing with here?”

“I dunno man, but it seems like they took all the gold on the outside of the kingdom and are working their way in now. Gold trimmings, door hinges, screws, nuts, bolts-- if it’s gold, it’s gone.”

“If they took the stuff off the buildings, then there has to be someone who saw them! Right?” Adorabat said uneasily.

“You’d think so, but Honey and Camille have been on the lookout since they first noticed and haven’t seen any abnormal activity during the day.” Badgerclops felt liquid touch his hand-- he had been talking so long he forgot he was eating ice-cream and it was melting all over. “Ack! No no no no-- Ugh, my hand’s all sticky now! Come on! Ew.” He hastily crammed what was left of the cone in his mouth, but was still left with sticky hands. 

“If there’s been no irregular activity during the day, then that means...” Adorabat muttered before trailing off. "Uh... what does that mean?"

“Pack your stuff team. We’re going on a stake-out.” Mao Mao smiled. Things just got way more interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's poppin fuckers im back. sorry for the wait
> 
> i lost motivation bc college and life but the newer episodes have helped me write. that and sleep deprivation. so, yay!
> 
> shenanigans ensue this chapter. unfortunately, these shenanigans will not last forever. it's all downhill from here, boys. strap in
> 
> BONUS i shittily drew them in their "disguises" this chapter just 4 u: https://66.media.tumblr.com/f5fa02e55224b0ac0bf48ec832faa9c8/a806f560daeec4a9-45/s540x810/39fb1e854e5147e4bb2823e42e0ba8dd0bbf467c.png
> 
> and as always, thank you for reading <3


	4. Chapter 4

Picking a location was the easy part. Somewhere above ground, so they could all have a bird’s eye view of the streets below. Fortunately, the kingdom was packed with buildings; both occupied and unoccupied. Initially Mao Mao had some reservations using someone’s home as a lookout point-- they have no idea just who they’re dealing with here-- but after corroborating further with Honey and Camille they were given a list of buildings that were vacant that they were allowed to utilize. 

“Do take care in your investigation, sheriffs.” Camille cackled, handing Mao Mao a paper with all the relevant information on it. Honey was off in the background, silently returning various books and documents to their original locations with magic via a flick of her hand. Adorabat watched her work with great interest.

“Er, thank you for the concern, but we’ll be fine.” Mao Mao replied awkwardly, grateful for the information but unnerved by her sinister laughter. “We’ll probably have this wrapped up by tomorrow. The day after that at most.”

“I do hope so, Mr. Sheriff.” Camille nodded. “The king will no doubt be… monumentally displeased if he gets word of this. So the sooner all the stolen goods return to their rightful places, the better.”

“What, will he like, faint or something like he usually does?” Badgerclops asked. 

“Oh no. You see, if you haven’t noticed by now our dear king Snugglemane lives quite the lavish lifestyle.”

“I think everyone within a 50 mile radius has noticed.” Mao Mao commented dryly.

“Due in no small part to the kingdom’s rather excessive display of its wealth and prosperity. Like, for example, with the castle’s gold trimmings and other various mundane items gilded gold for the king’s pleasure. With a glorious, shining gem at the kingdom’s heart.”

“What are you implying?”

“Many things. We’re being robbed blind by an unknown criminal, and they’re painting his Highness’s inner circle as fools. If his Highness finds out, well, there’s going to be chaos the likes of which you have yet to experience.” Her expression turned dark and solemn. “The king will demand that the responsible party show themselves, and if not, he...” She paused, “He’ll lock us all into his harpsichord chamber and force us to listen to his dreadful playing until someone finally cracks.”

“That’s it?” Badgerclops said, exasperated. “With the way you were talking I thought it would end in like, I dunno, execution or something.”

“An execution would be more merciful, I’d say.” Camille said flatly. “Quick and to the point. Unlike a gaggle of innocent folks crammed in a tiny room and forced to stay there and listen to ‘hot cross buns’ and ‘twinkle twinkle little star’ over and over again until someone decides to bite the bullet for the rest of us. Cruel and unusual punishment, it is.”

“I know I’ll regret asking, but what happens after that?” Mao Mao asked, bracing himself for her answer.

“Depends on the offense,” she said thoughtfully, “Something of this scale? I couldn’t begin to guess. Though in the past I recall someone getting tied to a stake in the central square and having tomatoes thrown at him. He didn’t seem too bothered by it though; he was egging onlookers to throw the tomatoes directly into his mouth and enjoyed it a bit too much, if you ask me.”

Mao Mao did, in fact, regret asking; though the mental image was mildly amusing.

“We’ll… keep that in mind. Thank you for your time.” He gave her a respectful nod and turned to leave. “Come on, you lot, let’s get this done.”

Badgerclops was the first to leave, turning back to say “Thanks magic lady! Oh, and other magic lady!” and giving a small wave. Mao Mao followed, but stopped mid-way through doorway.

“You coming, Adorabat?”

“Oh, yeah! Sorry!” She replied before taking flight and flying towards him. “Bye-bye Honey and Camille!” She said trying to wave; but in doing so, she flapped one wing harder than the other and flipped herself over mid-air. After righting herself, she exited the room and caught up to Badgerclops so she could perch on his shoulder. Mao Mao shut the door and jogged to catch up with the two.

“Hey Adorabat, do you like, know them?” Bagderclops asked. 

“Yep! Before I met you guys, Camille and Honey would let me hang out with them sometimes. Mostly when they were out testing stuff.” She cocked her head slightly as she recalled the memory. “I remember one time I went with them to the fields just outside the kingdom walls and they were testing somethin’. I don’t remember what, but it went KA-BOOM! and it was awesome.”

“You mean the field that has a small crater in it?” Mao Mao raised a brow.

“Yes, that one! Another time they went out with a bunch of little bags and they were throwing them around. They didn’t go boom, they got sand everywhere. And then the wind started to blow and we got sand in our eyes. And then after a while, they fixed ‘em, and then ta-da! That’s how my smoke bombs were born!” She raised her wings proudly. “They gave me the recipe, and now I make ‘em myself.”

“Out of what exactly?” Mao Mao eyed her warily. 

“Not telling! It’s a secret.”

“Secrets don’t make friends, Adorabat.” Badgerclops prodded in a sing-songy tone. “Tell uuuusss.”

“No. It’s my super special secret.”

“Let the kid have her secrets, Badgerclops.” Mao Mao said as he playfully elbowed him in the side. 

“But now I’m curious, dude, c’mon. Please?” He batted his eyelashes at the bat perched on his shoulder.

“Nu-uh.”

“_Pretty_ please?” He batted his eyelashes faster. Adorabat crossed her wings and turned her head away.

“I don’t share my secrets with ice-cream traitors that go and eat ice-cream without me!”

“Oh come on with that, that was hours ago. That’s the past, this is the now.” He pleaded, but when he got nothing but the cold shoulder he sighed dramatically and decided to let it go.

“So while the two of you were having words, I’ve been looking over the map.” Mao Mao stopped and handed the map to Badgerclops, who had to squint to scan its contents due to the low evening light. “There are a few areas of interest, namely that one building near the center there--” he pointed to a circled building on the map, “--and from there, we can all take positions on the same building and monitor different directions without having to split up. Thoughts?”

Badgerclops hummed thoughtfully as he gave the map a once-over. “I think that’s a solid plan. I’m down.” He said, folding the map into a tiny square and handing it back to Mao Mao.

“My thoughts are thought! Ooh this is my first steak out, I’m so EXCITED!” She screamed happily. Mao Mao and Badgerclops winced.

“Jeez Adorabat, take it down a decibel! You’re like right next to my ear!” Badgerclops groaned.

“Yeah, well, since this is your first stake-out, we’re gonna need to show you the ropes.” Mao Mao said, his ears still ringing. “First thing’s first: you need to be _quiet_.”

“Oh! Sorry Badgerclops. I just got a little too excited...” She muttered sheepishly. 

“It’s alright, but you absolutely _must_ remember to be quiet moving forward. The point of a stake-out is to catch your enemy by surprise, but if you’re too loud they’ll catch _you_ by surprise. Which is a very bad thing.” Mao Mao explained. “If you need to say something, tap on one of our shoulders and whisper. If not, then you have to be silent and keep your eyes peeled. Got it?”

“Got it.” She whispered with a salute. 

“Good. Now we shouldn’t be far from that building. It’ll be getting dark soon, so we need to get up there and get situated as quickly as possible. Let’s go.”

As soon as he said it, Mao Mao bounded off toward their destination. In an attempt to save time, he opted to scale a nearby building and hop from rooftop to rooftop instead of wasting time snaking through the streets (or at least that’s what he told himself, and not just because he felt like showing off). Adorabat popped up beside him not long after, with that glimmer of awe she got in her eye whenever she saw something cool. It made a warm feeling spread throughout his chest-- though he could never put a finger on why. Maybe it was because he knew what that was like, looking up to someone and still having that hopeful glimmer. Maybe it was because that’s how he looked at his father when he was young. And if she looked up to him as much as he looked up to his father, well… he hopes he can live up to that.

He took one final leap, and with the momentum he’d built up he landed squarely on the roof of the building that was their make-shift lookout point for the night. He took a moment to catch his breath before Adorabat caught up.

“That was SO--” She began, but lowered her voice immediately upon realizing she was about to scream again, “that was so awesome!” She half-whispered. Still a bit too loud, but better.

“Heh. That was nothing.” He said with a smirk. He crossed his arms and relished in his student’s praise briefly before realizing Badgerclops was nowhere in sight. “Wait where’s Badgerclops?” He asked, before the muffled sound of ragged gasps came from below. They both approached the side of the building and peeked over to see Badgerclops doubled-over on the street below.

“Oh… mother Pureheart… I hate you guys… so much...” he wheezed. “Why can’t ya’ll just WALK… like normal people… damn...”

“Sorry.” Mao Mao winced. “Do you need some help?”

“No, I got it.” Badgerclops stood up straight and lifted his mechanical arm upward, and in a matter of moments it reached the edge of the building. After getting a firm grip, he started using his robot arm to pull him upwards. Mao Mao was waiting to grab his friend’s free hand, and he heaved until his friend eventually rolled over onto the roof, sending Mao Mao right on his ass. 

They sat there in silence for a while, catching their breaths. The sun had dipped past the horizon at that point, and there was only a sliver of light left. Perhaps showing off and tiring himself out wasn’t the best idea before a stake-out, but whatever. Mao Mao stretched and rolled his shoulders before leaning towards his companions and whispering: “I’ll take watch of the direction of the king’s palace.”

“I’ll take watch of… this direction.” Badgerclops whispered, lazily motioning in the direction he climbed up from.

“Okay, I’ll watch over there then.” Adorabat whispered pointing to the two hero’s collective blind spot.

The three moved to their respective posts and waited. Mao Mao suspected that the thief would wait until the wee hours of the night to strike-- so now it was just a matter of playing the waiting game. As the minutes crawled by Mao Mao watched the lights in various homes flicker off one by one. Eventually the last light went out, and all that was left was vague silhouettes outlined in the pitch darkness by the light of the moon.  
At one point he started idly fiddling with his katana-- resting his thumb on the hilt and gently pushing the blade back and forth within the sheath. He kept his ears open along with his eyes, to make certain that even if he didn’t see anything suspicious, he could hear it. 

...And as the night crept on, eventually heard Adorabat snore. She lasted longer on lookout than he though she would-- he figured she would’ve conked out right away-- but it’s not like he didn’t expect it. It was when he heard Badgerclops snore that he got annoyed. He was tempted to chew him out right then and there, but this was a _stake-out_ for crying out loud. So he settled for the next best thing and decided to throw something at him. There was nothing in arm’s reach except for what he had on him, and after a second of thought he rummaged through his cape to grab the red-rimmed sunglasses he gave Adorabat as part of her disguise earlier that day. He was having a hell of a time finding them though-- he really needed to organize that thing. It was really only a few aspects short of being classified as a black hole. After some intense searching he finally found them, and as he turned onto his side and reeled his arm back in preparation to pelt his friend with a pair of toy sunglasses, he froze. 

Badgerclops was still lying there snoring, but what was more concerning was the _thing_ looming over him. It was the dead of night, and the only light came from the moon. Not strong enough to expose this creature in its entirety; just to give its looming figure a pale outline, revealing a ghastly silhouette. 

In one quick movement, he threw the pair of sunglasses as hard as he could-- not at Badgerclops, like he originally intended, but at what he assumed (or hoped, rather) was the creature’s face, with some degree of success. Following the arc of the throw, Mao Mao unsheathed his katana and lept blindly towards the monster before screaming “LOOK OUT!”

Adorabat screamed as she laid eyes on the monster and Badgerclops shot up with a start, just in time to see the blur that was Mao Mao briefly colliding with the monster, sending it reeling before falling back to his previous position on the roof.

“Dude,” Badgerclops said in horror, shifting his arm into combat mode and lining up a shot, “what the hell is that thing?!”

The creature recoiled, letting out a strange strangled gurgling noise that evolved into a shriek as it reoriented itself using its mass of limbs, looming over the trio once more at its full height this time.

“Don’t know, don’t care!” He replied angrily, positioning his katana in preparation for another strike. 

Unbeknownst to him, he angled his weapon in such a way that the moonlight almost perfectly illuminated the golden blade, drawing the monster’s full attention. It looked at the blade, then the wielder-- and spotted another golden treasure bobbing up and down next to him. Two beautiful golden orbs, and some other gold attachment that glowed wonderfully under the moonlight. _exquisite. gorgeous. mine_

The confrontation had only slowed for a second, but it felt like an eternity. Mao Mao had grown tired of waiting, and lunged at the creature once more. He was angry-- angry at himself because he didn’t hear it approach-- why couldn’t he hear it? It was a giant, gurgling, shrieking monster, _he should have heard it!_ There was a part of him, too, that was angry at his friend. Why did he fall asleep? He _knows_ better, he’s better than that! If he had taken things seriously for once, this wouldn’t be happening. He wouldn’t have gotten himself nearly _killed_ just now, he--

Mao Mao’s train of thought was slammed to a halt when he felt a blow hit him square in the abdomen, completely knocking all the air from his lungs. His brain didn’t have time to fully register the first blow before the second one came down on him from above, sending him hurdling towards the pavement below. 

“Mao Mao!” Adorabat screamed in horror, watching her mentor plummet towards the ground.

“You distract it, I’ll catch him!” Badgerclops ordered.

“G-got it!” She stammered, ascending well above the creature and dropping a smoke bomb directly on its head. “HEY! Look at me! B-betcha can’t get me up here, you stupid monster!” 

The monster stopped its onslaught and cast its attention upwards. Through the cloud of dust, against the night sky, there were those dazzling golden orbs again. _lovely. stunning. want it want it want it mine mine mine MINE_

Taking advantage of Adorabat’s diversion, Badgerclops quickly extended his mechanical arm and managed to grab Mao Mao by his collar just in the nick of time. With some effort he managed to heave him back up, and they both fell back, sprawled on the roof. 

“Hey man, are you alright?” Badgerclops asked, putting a firm but tender hand on his friend’s shoulder to steady him. Mao Mao wavered slightly, but with some effort managed to right himself again. His grip on his katana tightened. 

“’M fine.” He grunted. “I’ve taken worse. Whe--”

Before he could get the words out, the ground beneath their feet shook violently. The monster was no longer fixated on Mao Mao-- no, it had its eyes set on Adorabat now. It launched itself upwards from its perch between buildings and tried to snatch the little bat right out of the air. Her eyes widened in horror as she narrowly made her way through the mess of limbs and hands trying to grab her. 

“Adorabat!” They both screamed. Mao Mao was on his feet again, katana in hand and primed to strike-- and Badgerclops already had his arm cannon aimed at the monster. Mao Mao tried to close the gap between himself and the monster as fast as he could, but it was clear by now this wasn’t an average monster.

To the trio’s surprise this monster was incredibly deft and nimble-- far removed from the slow, hulking beasts they were used to. The monster caught itself using the densely pack buildings and its multitude of appendages and launched itself at Adorabat again, keeping the momentum. 

“D-don’t worry about me! I’ll distract it, you guys just--”

Her sentiment was cut off when she was caught between the monster’s palms.

“NO!” Mao Mao howled. He no longer felt any pain, he felt a surge of adrenaline and the only thing he could think about was _I need to get her out. I need to end this I need to get her back I can’t fall I need to get to her--_

The monster landed, sending minor tremors in the surrounding area. It was happy, feeling its prize-- the thing with golden orbs squirm and bite to try and get away. Its happiness was cut short when it felt bursts of searing pain hit its body, followed by a flurry of frenzied stabs and slashes. The gleam of the katana caught its eyes again.

“It’s not working! What do we do?!” Badgerclops yelled, getting ready to fire yet another shot.

“Try HARDER!” Mao Mao yelled back. There’s only one way this was going to end: they were gonna defeat the monster, get Adorabat back safe and sound, and then go home. They were gonna go home and Adorabat would draw pictures and play with her toys and Badgerclops would play his video games and he would sit on the couch and polish his katana and everything would be exactly how it was the day before. 

_Everything will be fine._

Those were the last words to go through his mind before he felt like he got hit by a thousand cars. The monster spiked him out of the air, mid-slice, and his katana remained lodged in the creature’s limb as Mao Mao hit the ground with a deafening thud.

“Mao Mao!” Badgerclops felt his insides go cold. Mao Mao made no attempt to get back up, and he hadn’t heard a peep from Adorabat since that _thing_ grabbed her. He didn’t know what to do. Should he keep fighting? Fall back and regroup? He didn’t know. 

He hesitated. The monster turned to look at him. To look down the barrel of his gun. The gun that didn’t seem like it was doing anything. He hesitated. He didn’t know what to do. The monster was looming over him now. He still didn’t know. 

Even when the monster took one of those wretched limbs and ripped his mechanical arm right out of its socket and crushed it he still didn’t know what to do. 

He hesitated, and now it was too late to do anything. His body felt exceedingly heavy and his mind was filled with nothing but fog. A fog that didn’t clear even as he felt a gentle hand on his back that was pushing him forward, guiding him somewhere. Someone was saying words at him. He had no idea what they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOUBLE UPDATE BITCH AAAAA
> 
> don't you love when that happens? i do. :)  
this was one of the chapters that made me want to write this fic in the first place! i hope you enjoy. :))) 
> 
> also, for the sake of clarity: I left the description of the monster vague on purpose, but for now picture it as a big silhouette of lanky gross limbs. in the future i'll draw what it looks like, but for now all you gotta know is its an eldritch abomination and Very Bad to look at with the eyes. strongly do not recommend.
> 
> I know my writing and grammar is all over the place but I hope it's at least coherent enough to enjoy.  
Thank you for reading <3


	5. Chapter 5

Mao Mao’s body felt unbearably heavy. That was the first thought that came to mind before he was hit with a surge of pain that radiated throughout his entire body. It was so intense that when it settled back into a dull ache he thought he was seeing double-- which was strange, because he didn’t think his eyes are open. Why is it so dark? And why does he feel worse than usual?

And then he remembers.

He felt a spike of anxiety as he tried to force his eyes open and sit up, which was proving to be a challenge. How long had he been out? A few seconds? A few minutes? Any amount of time can mean the difference between life and death, and this was no time to be lying around! He strained to sit up; his body wasn’t moving the way he wanted it to-- it felt like he was trying to stay afloat with blocks of concrete weighing him down.

In the midst of this struggle, he felt a small hand on his shoulder, pushing him back down. For the briefest of moments he thought it was Adorabat, but after cracking an eye open and seeing a tall figure clad in yellow the sliver of hope he didn’t know he was clinging so tightly to was gone. 

As his vision adjusted he could see her more clearly: the mage in yellow, named Honey. Student of the elder mage Camille who had a proclivity for explosives. She gave him a once over and retracted her hand once she felt he got the message that he wouldn’t be getting up any time soon. He was dreading the barrage of questions he knew he was going to get: _‘do you remember what happened?’_ and _‘do you know where you are?’_, et cetera. And frankly, at the moment he didn’t give a damn. He saw no sign of Badgerclops or Adorabat anywhere, and was prepared to be as uncooperative as possible until he knew what had happened to them.

To his surprise, Honey didn’t say a word. She backtracked to what she had been doing before she realized he was awake, and then after a moment she simply left the room. Strange, but whatever. He had more important things to be concerned about. He resumed trying to sit up, so he could get off the damn cot he was on, and to his credit he made it farther than last time. But after getting into somewhat of an upright position his head began to spin and everything went dark again. He was jolted back into consciousness when he felt one person yank him upwards by the collar and someone else help plop him back onto the cot.

When his vision returned he felt a surge of relief when he saw Badgerclop’s unmistakable figure. He heard his friend’s voice too, but his ears were ringing so loudly he couldn’t make out what he was saying. The ringing subsided after a moment, and Badgerclops was looking at him as if he was expecting a response, and Mao Mao could’ve sworn he heard Honey call him stupid under her breath.

“Sorry Badgerclops, didn’t catch that.” He winced. “Could you repea--” His voice trailed off when he realized that his friend was missing his arm. Well, missing his prosthetic cyber-arm. He’d seen it before, when his friend was doing maintenance and adding more weird-ass enhancements. Still, the sight of the empty socket was enough to throw him off for a second.

“I said… I said I’m sorry, dude.” Badgerclops said, uncharacteristically solemn. “I, I just, I don’t know. But I messed up. I messed up bad.”

“I’m… not following.” Mao Mao responded. “What are you sorry for? More importantly, where’s Adorabat? Is she okay?” The way Badgerclops looked away made his insides go cold.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you _mean_ you don’t know?” Mao Mao asked. He was being hit with a multitude of emotions all at once-- confusion, rage, worry, panic-- and they were all threatening to break through.

“I-I don’t know. The monster, it... got away.”

“That doesn’t-- What are you even saying?” Mao Mao hissed. “What do you mean it just _got away_? You didn’t-- you didn’t follow it? You just let it take her?!”

“Of course not!” Badgerclops shot back weakly. “Not on purpose, I just--”

“You just _what_, Badgerclops? What did you just do?” Mao Mao spat, his voice getting louder and louder the more he spoke. “’Cause I can tell you one thing you did, _you_ fell asleep when we were supposed to be on watch! And look what happened.” His head was pounding, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Imagine my surprise when I turn around and see a _giant god-forsaken monster_ looming over you both. I didn’t even hear it. I turned around to wake your stupid ass up, not to see you almost get yourself killed!”

“I know, and I--”

“No, no, I don’t think you know, because not only did you endanger yourself-- you endangered all of us! And look how it all turned out: we got ambushed at our own stupid stake-out and Adorabat’s missing.” He seethed. His hands were shaking and pure adrenaline was coursing through his veins again. He pushed past Badgerclops and clumsily got to his feet, stumbling a bit before managing to stay upright. He held his hand out towards Honey, who had been observing from the sidelines, expectantly. “Give me my katana.” He ordered through gritted teeth. 

She simply looked him dead in the eye before replying: “I can’t.”

“That wasn’t a request.” He said darkly. If she was intimidated, she showed no sign of it. Her stoic demeanor did not falter.

“I can’t give you what I don’t have.”

“What?”

“When my mentor and I came to your aid, we saw no sign of it.” She explained. “And before you ask, after we brought you both back here, I was instructed to go back and retrieve it. I used several incantations to try and locate it when all else failed, but I could not. It simply isn’t there.”

Mao Mao was at a loss for words. He directed his gaze to the floor. Not only was Adorabat missing, but his katana too? How was he supposed to save her without it? His anger had dissipated and now he just felt… hollow. 

“Before you… got knocked out,” Badgerclops said meekly, “you were hacking and slashing at it. The monster, I mean. I remember when it… hit you, your katana, it got stuck in the arm it hit you with. I-I didn’t know what to do,” he continued, “you, you didn’t get back up. You always get back up, but, you didn’t, and I couldn’t hear Adorabat-- I didn’t know where she was-- and I, I didn’t want to hit her by accident.” His voice quivered. “At that point I was scared. I, I didn’t want to fall back because I didn’t want to leave one, or both, of you behind, and I was still afraid to shoot, and before I knew it the stupid thing ripped my arm off and destroyed it.” He let out a deep sigh and dragged his free hand down his face.  
“I froze and I-- this is all me. We’re in this situation right now because of me. I know, I messed up, and I suck, and I just want to save her. She got caught because of me too, I told her to--”

He was cut off when Mao Mao rested a hand on his good shoulder. This was partially his way of weird consolation, and partially to have Badgerclops as an anchor to keep himself from falling over. 

“That… doesn’t matter now.” He said. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laid into you like that. What’s done is done, and our top priority right now should be saving Adorabat instead of throwing a pity party.”

“I agree.” Honey interjected, ruining the moment. “I believe I can be of some assistance in that regard. My mentor Camille is currently occupied with distracting his Highness and has instructed me to help you. As such, I have some information to share.”

Mao Mao and Badgerclops shared a look before gesturing at her to continue.

“First of all, in regards to your weapon, Mr. Sheriff, if it is any consolation, is it not safe to assume that if given the opportunity, Adorabat could use it in self-defense?”

“Maybe.” Mao Mao replied thoughtfully. “It’s far too large for someone of her height to wield correctly, but I know she could figure out a way to use it if she needed to.”

“Yeah, I mean, she’s done way worse damage with way less.” Badgerclops added.

“Indeed. Now, in regards to the monster: if it isn’t apparent by now, it is most likely the culprit in relation to all the recent thefts. Considering the version of events I received from Badgerclops, I hypothesize that we’re dealing with a creature born from avarice. Or in other words, greed.”

“A creature born from greed?” Badgerclops asked. “How does that even happen?”

“I don’t know.” She replied with a deadpan expression. “But what I do know is, if you are to eradicate it completely, the finishing blow must be dealt with magic. You did notice that physical attacks were not very effective, I assume?”

“Yes.” The sheriffs said in unison. 

“So what you’re saying is, if we’re gonna beat this thing, we need your help to do it?” Mao Mao asked.

“Yes and no. It doesn’t have to be me, per se, just a mage that knows offensive magic.”

“Would you just so happen to know some offensive magic, perhaps?” Badgerclops asked. 

Seconds later, a fire roared to life from the nearby hearth with great ferocity, making the sheriffs jump. It vanished just as soon as it appeared, leaving the smoldering ash of what was once a decently sized stack of wood.

“Perhaps.” She replied. “And finally, I may be able to divinate the monster’s location with magic. However, the set-up for such a spell requires time. Ingredients to be gathered, runes to invoke. You know how it is.”

“I… don’t, no.” Mao Mao said. “Would it not be faster to try and locate it on foot?”

“Do you happen to know the hottest hang-out spots for manifestations of avarice?”

“...No.” Mao Mao grumbled.

“Then performing the spell is the quickest way. And, in all honesty, at this point in time I don’t think either of you should be out wandering. It would be a waste of precious energy. I suggest you ready yourselves to face avarice again.” She said, blatantly looking at the socket where Badgerclops’s cybernetic arm used to be. “I do wonder, though, what you intend to do without your weapon of choice, Mr. sheriff.” She said, directed at Mao Mao this time.

“Oh, don’t worry about that” He clenches his free hand tightly. “I’m going to rip that bastard to shreds with my bare hands.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOVER'S QUARREL UUuuUuu
> 
> idk if Honey will ever get any real screen time but i love her. i imagine she's kind of a dead-pan snarker and speaks very matter-of-factly, if at all. therefore; that is how i wrote her. also i imagine her sounding like Dendy from OKKO.  
and now the monster has a name... Avarice. And now Avarice has Adorabat and Geraldine... ooOoOOOo the humanity
> 
> i feel like this chapter may be ooc. maybe it is. maybe not. dont ask me lmao. but i intended to set it up this way so i could write them having a little verbal fight bc i wanted to explore that. this fic is an absolute fustercluck disaster but hey, its fun to write. sorry for errors also its 2 am
> 
> next time on MTV Cribz we go check on Avarice and see whats poppin and Adorabat is...........................there. stay tuned
> 
> thanks for reading <3


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